On firstmother-related message forums and support groups, once the topic of labor and delivery comes up, firstmothers are quick to ask, "How did you get treated by the hospital staff?" Many firstmothers can tell a tale or two about their experiences delivering the children they've placed for adoption. Some positive experiences, stories of helpful and compassionate staff; and then there are the negative stories of the staff's cold glares, ill remarks, and indifferent attitudes . I believe most firstmothers would agree that it would be comforting to know that before they even arrived at the hospital, the staff was prepared beforehand, by another firstmother no less, about adoption and how a potential birthmother would like to be treated. One firstmother, Nicole Strickland, is stepping out to make the hospital and birthing experience better for other firstmothers. How? She has created a medical brochure and hosptial action plan to be given to hospitals, preparing them to treat a potential birthmother with respect, and as mothers.

First off, tell us a bit about yourself?

I am 27 years old and have lived in the south my entire life. I became a Mom for the first time when I was 19 to my son, Noah. I had a complicated pregnancy and had Noah early; as a result of labor complications Noah has cerebral palsy and epilepsy. I became pregnant for the second time due to a failed depo provera shot in 2001. I decided adoption was the best option for my unborn child. I chose a family and planned an open adoption. I gave birth to Charlie on September 20, 2001. Since becoming a birth mom, I have become an advocate for other birthmothers and have become active in the adoption community. Friend and fellow birthmom, Lani Downing, and I started an online support group and non profit organization for birthmoms called BirthMom Buds. I then married my soul mate and biggest supporter, Jason, in April of 2003. When I have free time, I enjoy scrap booking, photography, crafts, reading, writing, and spending time with family.

How did you get the idea for your medical brochures?

As I started becoming active in the adoption community, I started getting to know other birth mothers. For some reason, women like to share their labor stories! And this is no different for birthmothers. As birth mothers told their labor stories, they included the hospital experience, how they were treated, how the staff handled things, etc. While there were stories that warmed my heart, I did notice a difference in the way birth mothers were treated that was different from other new mothers. I wondered if medical professionals just did not know how a birth mother wanted to be treated. Since I am a birth mother, I wrote the brochure so that the medical professionals can have a birthmoms point of view.

What are your hopes/goals for the medical brochures?

First of all, I have to let the hospitals and medical facilities know that there is a medical brochure regarding adoption! Spreading the word is the first step! Secondly, I would like to see many hospitals educate their staffs on adoption so that they may understand it a little better. And most importantly, I hope that many hospitals will start (if they are not already) implementing some of the ideas listed in the brochure so that the birth can be a more positive experience for all involved.

What are your hopes/goals for medical staff in regards to women placing their children for adoption?

I hope they will stop and take a moment to think about how a potential birth mother may feel. I would like for them to realize that until relinquishment papers are signed she is an expectant mother or a new mom. I hope they will be able to be more respectful and caring to women choosing placement.

Did you share your adoption choice with your doctor, if so, how did he treat you?

At my first appointment, I was up front about the adoption and it was noted in my chart. Shortly after, I had an ultra sound and the doctor said something about she noticed that this baby would be placed for adoption so she assumed I did not want to see the ultra sound screen. I corrected her and told her I did and she was nice about it. Not long after that, I chose an adoptive family, and my son’s adoptive mother, Angee, started coming to appointments with me. At first, I think the staff was unclear of her connection, but they soon after started acknowledging her as well.

Skye, did you share your adoption choice with your doctor?

Skye says: I went to a midwife and I told her about my adoption plans when I was five months along. After she knew that was serious, she was very supportive, which was a big comfort to me. The staff was very kind and accepting too. Due to distance, my daughter's then soon-to-be adoptive mother couldn't make it to any docotor's appointments. Then again, I did not make my choice in them as parents until the last month of my pregnancy. I did have a hospital plan in place and it was followed closely. I did not feel as if I was treated any differently because I was choosing adoption at the hospital, and for that, I am thankful.

What was your experience in the hospital?

I had originally planned to have Jason and Angee in the delivery room but due to pregnancy complications had to have a sudden c section. This threw me off track a little because only one person was allowed in the OR and I felt torn between who to choose. Jason got to walk Charlie out of the OR and to the nursery, which was neat. I didn’t get to see Charlie for a while because he was getting cleaned up and checked out and his temp was a little low so they were keeping him under the lights.

For the next 3 days, Charlie was in and out of my room. Everyone (my friends and family and Angee’s friends and family) used my room as the gathering place. So it was hectic. I regret not spending more alone time with Charlie. And Angee never got to spend alone time with him either. Most of the nurses were ok. They really didn’t know how to handle things. They didn’t know who to refer to as Charlie’s parents. Not sure who was called what, that sort of thing. There was one doctor, Dr Bingham, the same one who first offended me by asking about if we wanted to see the ultra sound or not. She ended up becoming one of my biggest supporters. She came in the hospital room several times trying to speak with me while the papers were being signed and she waited until that was over. Then she came in and asked if I was ok and if there was anything she could do, etc. Told me that she thought I was brave. I later found out she did a speech about our open adoption and my high risk pregnancy for a project.

How do you feel your medical brochures will help hospital staff?

I hope that they will be able to see things through a birth mothers eyes. Ultimately, we are all in this for the same reason; the children. Whether we are a nurse, doctor, an orderly, an adoptive parent, or a young woman choosing adoption for her child, all those people only want one thing; the best possible life for that child. And life starts with birth.

How do you feel your medical brochures will help expecting parents who are considering adoption?

For expecting parents considering placing their child, I hope that the medical brochure will give them a little security, that they may be treated respectfully. I also have written a “Hospital Action Plan” that coincides with the medical brochure that lists your wishes for your hospital stay such as “do you want to hold your baby” or “do you want to feed your baby.” An expecting mom can fill out the action plan prior to the birth of her baby and then give it to the medical staff before the birth of her baby. It can then be put in her medical chart so that every time there is a shift change, a nurse does not have to re-ask the same questions. She can also share the plan with the adoptive family, so that they are all on the same page about the hospital plans.

What have been the responses from hospitals about the brochures?

So far the responses from the hospitals involved have been positive! One hospital recently used the Hospital Action Plan and said that it was great to have it all right there in the chart. The hospital social workers that I have spoken with are please that there is now a brochure designed just for the hospital staff. Also, several agencies have inquired about the brochures and action plan. Agencies could keep these on hand to distribute to hospital staff when they have an expectant mother giving birth .

Skye says: Thank you for taking the time to talk with us about your new brochures. Looking forward to hearing more and more about them in the near future. Any closing thoughts Nicole?

In closing, I would like to first of all thank everyone who has helped the medical brochure come to life, especially the birthmothers and adoptive mothers who shared their hospital experiences with me. Without you, I would have nothing to base this brochure on.

I also want to let people know how to get in touch with me or obtain a copy of the medical brochure. They can email me to request a copy of the brochure via email at birthmombuds@yahoo.com or contact me at 1-877-790-4174. There will also soon be a page about the medical brochure at www.birthmombuds.com.

Copyright © 2004 Skye Hardwick & Nicole Strickland

Skye Hardwick is a columnist for Adoption Today Magazine and contributing writer to FM magazine (First Mother). She is also the founder of Lifemothers.com, a birthmother resource website, and Woven Hearts, gifts for birthparents.

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